Quotes on Education

Some goodies I found recently.

"When we adults think of children there is a simple truth that we ignore: childhood is not preparation for life; childhood is life.
A child isn't getting ready to live; a child is living. No child will miss the zest and joy of living unless these are denied by adults who have convinced themselves that childhood is a period of preparation.
How much heartache we would save ourselves if we would recognize children as partners with adults in the process of living, rather than always viewing them as apprentices. How much we could teach each other; we have the experience and they have the freshness. How full both our lives could be."
John A. Taylor

"I suppose it is because nearly all children go to school nowadays, and have things arranged for them, that they seem so forlornly unable to produce their own ideas."
Agatha Christie

It is, in fact, nothing short of a miracle that the modern methods of education have not yet entirely strangled the holy curiosity of inquiry; for this delicate little plant, aside from stimulation, stands mainly in need of freedom; without this it goes to wrack and ruin without fail. It is a very grave mistake to think that the enjoyment of seeing and searching can be promoted by means of coercion and a sense of duty. To the contrary, I believe that it would be possible to rob even a healthy beast of prey of its voraciousness, if it were possible, with the aid of a whip, to force the beast to devour continuously, even when not hungry, especially if the food, handed out under such coercion, were to be selected accordingly.
Albert Einstein

The whole theory of modern education is radically unsound. Fortunately... education produces no effect whatsoever. If it did, it would prove a serious danger to the upper classes, and probably lead to acts of violence in Grosvenor Square.
Oscar Wilde

To compel a man to furnish contributions of money for the propagation of opinions which he disbelieves and abhors is sinful and tyrannical.
Thomas Jefferson

My schooling not only failed to teach me what it professed to be teaching, but prevented me from being educated to an extent which infuriates me when I think of all I might have learned at home by myself.
George Bernard Shaw

The aim of public education is not to spread enlightenment at all; it is simply to reduce as many individuals as possible to the same safe level, to breed a standard citizenry, to put down dissent and originality.
Whenever is found what is called a paternal government, there is found state education. It has been discovered that the best way to insure implicit obedience is to commence tyranny in the nursery.
Benjamin Disraeli

Good intentions will always be pleaded for every assumption of authority. It is hardly too strong to say that the constitution was made to guard the people against the dangers of good intentions. There are men in all ages who mean to govern well, but they mean to govern. They promise to be good masters, but they mean to be masters.
Noah Webster

In my opinion the prevailing systems of education are all wrong, from the first stage to the last stage. Eduation begins where it should terminate, and youth, instead of being led to the development of their faculties by the use of their senses, are made to acquire a great quantity of words, expressing the ideas of other men instead of comprehending their own faculties, or becoming acquainted with the words they are taught or the ideas the words should convey.
William Duane

There are only two places in the world where time takes precedence over the job to be done. School and prison.
William Glasser

Education rears disciples, imitators, and routinists, not pioneers of new ideas and creative geniuses. The schools are not nurseries of progress and improvement, but conservatories of tradition and unvarying modes of thought.
Ludwig von Mises

Intelligence appears to be the thing that enables a man to get along without education. Education enables a man to get along without the use of his intelligence.
Albert Edward Wiggam

No use to shout at them to pay attention. If the situations, the materials, the problems before the child do not interest him, his attention will slip off to what does interest him, and no amount of exhortation of threats will bring it back.
John Holt

The End of Entomological Aspiration

This was written for extra credit in my Insects and Human Society Class. It is mostly fiction.

My brother Joel began collecting insects as soon as he could capture them. He sought after every kind, but was especially fascinated by the beautiful and colorful ones. His packed his insectile assortment with vibrant and peculiar specimens, the sparkling filigree of the natural world.

Joel’s collection was more than doubled when a formerly insect-collecting uncle made Joel a gift of his insect collection. This one had masses of insects, all carefully pinned to a Styrofoam pad and organized in a neat cardboard box. Joel loved it. He even reorganized his collection of beauties with our uncle’s. There was only one goal in his mind: to collect insects like these forever. He set out to be an entomologist the day he first received this magnificent collection.

A little while after, a blazing summer day came, one in which our vegetable garden wilted as if in the throes of death itself. Joel, with water hose in hand, was rescuing our mother’s vegetables from certain scorching demise when he found something. It was a whopper of an addition to his insect museum; a gigantic, brilliantly green grasshopper. There was no trouble in catching it and it was soon pinned in his orderly collection. Joel’s collection reached critical mass that day, the addition of this magnificent insect was the beginning of the end of his entomological ambition.

To be frank, this insect was ugly. In all the ways an insect of Joel’s could be truly ugly and detestable, it was. It wouldn’t die. There is nothing less attractive to the collector of dead insects than a live insect, especially one which had the strength and motivation to wreak havoc inside a box of neatly organized, gorgeous miscellany.

Some say that Beauty is only skin deep, but I’m certain it is in the eye of the beholder. This wretched grasshopper had many eyes to behold the necropolis' many desiccated inhabitants, but it perceived no beauty in them. My brother’s collection of nature’s art was laid waste, every piece torn apart.

Joel kept but one specimen, the one insect that was left still whole. No box was needed, he pinned this verdant symbol of disaster to the cover of his insect guidebook. This minute pin nailed secured the cover permanently, and closed it forever. The destroyer of worlds couldn’t have done more harm to Joel's aspirations than this hideous grasshopper did. What once was vibrant and colorful was now pale and wizened, a symbol of the devastation of joy. Insects were no longer beautiful to him; they became uglier every time he looked at the cursed remnant of his collection.

Our joys are precious, and it is a terrible act to undo them. Every joy has a beginning, but sadly, some joys have ends.

Today's Terrorism

From Afterward of Little Brother by Cory Doctorow
     Have the terrorists already won? Have we given in to fear, such that artists, hobbyists, hackers, iconoclasts, or perhaps an unassuming group of kids playing Harajuku Fun Madness, could be so trivially implicated as terrorists? There is a term for this dysfunction, it is called an autoimmune disease, where an organism's defense system goes into overdrive so much that it fails to recognize itself and attacks its own cells. Ultimately, the organism self-destructs.

     Right now, America is on the verge of going into anaphylactic shock over its own freedoms, and we need to inoculate ourselves against this. Technology is no cure for this paranoia; in fact, it may enhance the paranoia: it turns us into prisoners of our own device. Coercing millions of people to strip off their outer garments and walk barefoot through metal detectors every day is no solution either. It only serves to remind the population every day that they have a reason to be afraid, while in practice providing only a flimsy barrier to a determined adversary.

     The truth is that we can't count on someone else to make us feel free… no matter how unpredictable the future may be, we don't win freedom through security systems, cryptography, interrogations and spot searches. We win freedom by having the courage and the conviction to live every day freely and to act as a free society, no matter how great the threats are on the horizon.

Bible Abuse: Romans 13

I wrote this on facebook recently when this particular passage was brought up as a way to show that disobedience to government was wrong. I'd had enough of this passage and its use in argument, so I blitzed it with every fact and idea I could think of and have now thoroughly confused myself on the veracity of scripture. Another day, another dilemma.

1. “Everyone must submit himself to the governing authorities, for there is no authority except that which God has established. The authorities that exist have been established by God.”
• God established Hitler’s authority, and submission to that authority would have been wrong. The government of our day has done equally egregious things, should we obey it? Support it? No, we should overthrow it.
2. “Consequently, he who rebels against the authority is rebelling against what God has instituted, and those who do so will bring judgment on themselves.”
• No human being is capable of bringing judgment on another, God is the only judge. There are others who will try it, but that is not justice, that is enforcement of law. There are several types of law, but the one earthly judges use is man made, not divinely instituted. If one man makes a law for another it is not rebellion against God for the tyrannized to disobey.
3. “For rulers hold no terror for those who do right, but for those who do wrong. Do you want to be free from fear of the one in authority? Then do what is right and he will commend you.”
• Put this to the test and I’ll bail you out. Since when are good deeds unpunished? The writer was extremely naïve, to prove this just look at how he died.
4. “For he is God's servant to do you good. But if you do wrong, be afraid, for he does not bear the sword for nothing. He is God's servant, an agent of wrath to bring punishment on the wrongdoer."
• Rulers do their subjects no good at all. Do you think that the ruled benefit from tyranny? That’s like saying “The Peace of Rome” benefited those whose lives it ended. Rulers are only God’s servants in that we are all his servants; the thrower’s pot has no choice in such matters.
5. “Therefore, it is necessary to submit to the authorities, not only because of possible punishment but also because of conscience.”
• Conscience does not dictate obedience to artificial, earthly authorities, but to the Laws of Nature and Nature’s God.
6. “This is also why you pay taxes, for the authorities are God's servants, who give their full time to governing.”
• Wrong again. This could have been written by Caesar himself. Or a guilt-tripping pastor concerned with tithing.
• When your human rights are restricted and breaches of them made, are you supposed to believe that the criminal who injured you deserves whatever he takes from you? No, you’re supposed to protect yourself from further abuse. This is why the government is an adversary, not a kindly old ruler whose only thought is your good.
7. “Give everyone what you owe him: If you owe taxes, pay taxes; if revenue, then revenue; if respect, then respect; if honor, then honor.”
• Give everyone what you owe him, sure, but do I owe anything to a tyrant? No taxes, revenue, respect or honor is owed to an enslaving ruler or to any ruler not voluntarily submitted to. This is the heart of the matter: Human Liberty. Anyone who trespasses this right deserves nothing less than the most violent opposition.

The House on the Hill

A great villanelle by Edwin Arlington Robinson. Oh, If I could write like this!

They are all gone away,
The house is shut and still,
There is nothing more to say.

Through broken walls and gray
The winds blow bleak and shrill:
They are all gone away.

Nor is there one today
To speak them good or ill:
There is nothing more to say.

Why is it then we stray
Around the sunken sill?
They are all gone away.

And our poor fancy-play
For them is wasted skill:
There is nothing more to say.

There is ruin and decay
In the House on the Hill
They are all gone away,
There is nothing more to say.

I am the World's Worst Salesman

This is an old vehicle description I wrote when selling my old Saab on Ebay. By the way, it ended up in the junkyard. Some find it humorous, so I figured I'd put it up.

This car starts and runs. However, the state inspection runs out in February and I do not want to fix all that I would have to in order to get a new sticker. This car would be a good parts car or a good car if one was willing to invest in it. I have a new car, bought on ebay of course, and I don't want to keep this one. So, I will warn of all the difficulties it has and express that there is no warranty, car comes as is.

This beautiful Saab, as I have said before, starts and runs just fine. It even gets good gas mileage (I think it is around 25 over all). But, it has a few problems that will ensure that it won't pass inspection next month. These are:

• Power windows have no more power but are still windows. They don't open and are permanently closed unless a few parts and motors are put back together. I have all the parts to do so, but some of them (like the driver's side motor and switch) do not work. Parts will come with the car or go to the junkyard (which is the fate for this operational car if this auction is unsuccessful.) 
• Windshield wipers are half-dead. I say only halfway because only one is dead. I could also say that the glass is half-full and that the wipers are half-operational. The driver's side wiper is a paperweight for supermarket flyers, the other works just fine. In the deep recesses of the beast there is a wire that frayed. If this little wire is replaced it will all work. 
• Muffler is problematic. I have worked on it and had it worked on many times, and have never replaced it (although someone else in its history may have). The muffler is on its way out, but works nonetheless. It is currently welded in a few parts and works; it does not hang down (although that could change at any moment). 
• Hatchback/trunk door does not open from the outside. Some sort of internal mechanical problem exists. However, the door can be opened by pushing a screwdriver or similar object into the mechanism and forcing the hook off of the bar. I would use more descriptive language if I were an engineer, but as it is all I can do is offer to send pictures to anyone interested. 
• Push-button starter. The original ignition does not work, but after a bit of rewiring it now has a two-part starting mechanism (Both parts are inside the cabin, close to where the ignition was). My first concern with push-buttons is the theft concern, but no one has stolen it so far (after about two years). What is probably the fanciest thing about this car is the piece of walnut burl that decorates the button. Of all the parts that I will take out before it is crunched that is the first. However, if this car is sold the buyer can have it. 
• Note: I do have a key, not that it would do you any good. 
• Back Brakes need to be changed. I have new ones, but have not put them in due to caliper circumstances beyond my control. 
• Right-side door handle(inside one) broken. Door still works, opens and shuts, but handle is broken. 
• Tires. All they have going for them is their inflation, and even that isn't even right now. No leaks, but they are going to need replacing sometime soon. 
• Manual transmission. It would miraculously shift through all five gears smoothly if such miracles occurred, but as it is they do not. All gears work, but third and occasionally fifth have problems. Third and fifth can be smoothly shifted into by myself, but others have had no end of difficulty. I like to drive this car; it does have some power left in it. It can accelerate fast, and as far as I know has a top speed of 85 mph (may go faster, but I would not try to, the tires being what they are). This car drives like a glorified go-kart. 
• Condition. The seats are made of tan cloth. There is wear and tear. Mostly wear however; there are not too many tears. The outside has green paint that is dinged and dirty in some spots, I have never washed this car. There is some rust, although not half as much rust as the muffler has. On the whole, this car is not unsightly nor in excellent condition. It has struck a balance just shy of inspectable. 

Like a good salesman I cannot remember any other problems right now. I think I have explained it all though. Email me with questions or requests for pictures.

I am starting this auction at $100 because that is how much the junkyard will give me for it. If I can make $110 all this will have been worth it. If you want a good parts car for your beloved Saab, or a good car to drive until the end of February (plus however long the "Rejected" sticker lasts), or just feel charitable and want to help out a needy college student, please bid.

What to buy with my life?

On being told that all the good jobs were in government I wrote the following. I wouldn't say I was inspired to do so, it sounds too pure, but I rather wrote what I ruminated.

I don’t want to work for the government, not because I loath cushy jobs with above average benefits, pay, retirement, and time off, but rather because I have a problem with state employees accepting such things from an employer who came upon the funds through tyranny. If I join the state in their dirty business, I become them; I turn into the object of my abhorrence; responsible for the stigma attached to the tyrant of today. I couldn’t live with myself if I became an accomplice to all the state does, even if it meant a comfortable life.

But, what should I do with my life? Is there a career for me? If disdain and deprecation is all I have for what the masses consider valuable, how can I be successful in any business? I can't sell things I don't consider valuable because I'd feel I was cheating a person into their own materialism.

Certain joys I have: Plants and People. Interaction with and knowledge about these I love to seek. There must be a spot for me somewhere.

I don’t know what to do with my life though. I want joyful, fulfilling purpose, I want to live for another's benefit, but with these thoughts in mind I invariably end up with a desire to protect people from tyranny. Even this, though, would not benefit anyone in the long run or in any permanent way. If history proves that there will never be a perfect world, why should I start building one?

Here’s the problem: Nothing lasts. Why should I invest the one valuable thing; time, in things that are worthless in comparison? No one would invest something of value into something without hope of a valuable return. Why should I use my time for anything but pleasure? That’s the only valuable return, and it’s dismally temporary. I can't win, I can't break even, and I can't get out of the game.

I don’t know what I’m here for, but I know what I don’t like. I don’t like tyranny. I don’t like onerous restriction of otherwise free people. I don’t like pain. I don't like the level of narcissism I sink to when writing stuff like this. Adios.

First Day at Virginia Tech, Fall 2009

The journey of a thousand miles begins badly

I didn’t do so well on Monday. I blame Friday. That’s when I played Ultimate Frisbee on the Drillfield. I played barefoot, stupidly, and wore my feet out. After almost two months of full time work and wearing of work shoes it seems my feet have weakened. It’s Monday night, almost eleven, and I can barely hobble around. I can’t stand without pain. I’ve taken 1200 milligrams of Ibuprofen today and I’ve not felt the slightest effect. I’ve taken more over the weekend, plus a variation of aspirin, and not once was there the least respite from the pain. I hobbled around at work, probably making everything worse. I hobbled around everywhere today, no doubt doing the same. Agh!

 Today was a bad day all around. I didn’t sleep long last night, or well. I had a bloody nose during the night and woke up to blood streaming from me into the crease my face made on the pillow. Somehow I shrugged this off; I was in a slumbering stupor evidently. I woke up to dried blood everywhere. It’s still on the pillow. Not a good start for the day.

 I made $100 and discovered that my work shoes were injurious to me at work yesterday. Today I bought new shoes (luckily I could return the bad shoes, they were only a month old). The old ones had a bar sticking up right in front of the heel, which evidently stressed the fascia there and all around the arch of my left and right feet. It felt terrible, but for some dumb reason I finished the last half of my double shift instead of going home. When I visited the Schiffert Health Center on Monday the doctor told me I have Plantar Fasciitis. I probably set the healing time back a week just by finishing my shift on Sunday. I won’t be able to work, I don’t think, for a week or two while I heal. I wonder what will happen. Money's a concern for the first time in a long time. I need to get to school, and I need to walk. I can’t make money at my present job. I need to inform my managers tomorrow that I’ll probably not be working on Wednesday or any of the other days this week and maybe next. I need a freaking wheelchair.

Today I spent fifty on gas, sixty on a textbook, and another ten or twenty on odds and ends. I drove Tan to Wal-Mart, something he’d needed to do for a few days. I’m helping him move furniture tomorrow. I hope I can have someone else move it, I can’t stand without pain. I can’t even push the freaking gas pedal without pain. I can’t end this pain, either. I’m going to down some more Ibuprofen and go to bed. Today was a disaster.

I was late for my first class today. I left early to find parking and was late because not only could I find none on campus, but I had to hobble across campus to get to class. Today was a disaster.

Signs to accompany belivers

An exegesis and analysis of scripture.

Mark 16: 15-18
“[A]nd these signs will accompany those who believe: In my name they will drive out demons; they will speak in new tongues; they will pick up snakes with their hands; and when they drink deadly poison, it will not hurt them at all; they will place their hands on sick people, and they will get well.”

My questions:

• When was the last sighting of a demon? 
• Was it ever demons in the first place? Could it have been epilepsy? Insanity? 
• Are we indwelt by the Holy Spirit in the same way that some are possessed by demons? Both are spiritual forces that try to control us. 
• What new tongues? 
• The gibberish that Pentecostals shout may be a tongue, but it sure isn’t a supernatural sign. I could shout gibberish and still not believe. 
• Supernaturally learning English? 
• Aren’t those snake-handling people weird? Is that a supernatural sign? 
• Is a snake handler always a believer? 
• Paul did it, but so did Steve Irwin. 
• Will you drink poison? Do you believe? 
• Really, would you drink poison to prove you believe? 
• No antidotes, and you must be perfectly healthy afterwards. 
• Will you heal a certain person I have in mind? 
• If there is a healing, is it because 
• You have a supernatural gift? 
• The sick visited their doctor? 
• The hypochondriac wasn’t sick in the first place? 
• If there is no healing, is it because 
• The heal-ee didn’t have enough faith? 
• You don’t believe? 
• God isn’t here anymore? 

Is my problem a lack of understanding? Should the “will” in the first sentence be a “may”? Should we ignore the Christian testimony of a person who does not display these signs of belief? If these are the identifying marks of believers, what reason is there to believe that anyone believes? If God is still around, why doesn't he make it evident?

I’m sure that all this amounts to heresy, but nowadays priests don’t kill people for that. Reasoned arguments work all the time, torturing heretics is a thing of the past. So, without telling me that testing God is evil or that all the answers are in the good book, please show me the truth. If God is rational, his promoters need to be also.

Don’t get me wrong, I believe the Bible is a true account of history. It is so accurate with history that it is most likely right with its account of the supernatural. I just doubt it's a good description of our current relationship with God. Once upon a time there were miraculous healings, but 2000 years pass and all we have are weirdos with snakes or speakers of gibberish. If God was more than this, why isn't he now?

An Anti-Social Comment

From On Solitarinesse by Michel de Montaigne, found in The Second Great Booklet put out by The Underground Grammarian. 

VERILY, a man of understanding hath lost nothing if he yet have himself. When the city of Nola was overrun by the barbarians, Paulinus, bishop thereof, having lost all he had there and being their prisoner, prayed thus to God: "Oh Lord, deliver me from feeling of this loss; for thou knowest as yet they have touched nothing that is mine." The riches that made him rich and the goods that made him good were yet absolutely whole. Behold what it is to choose treasures well that may be freed from injury, and to hide them in a place where no man may enter and which cannot be betrayed but by ourselves.

Wandering

Wandering

“Not all who wander are lost” Hopefully, anyway…

I am prone to wandering from Christianity. I’ve discovered that it has done almost nothing for me as far as religion goes. I enjoyed church, but it was the people and the discourse I loved, not the religion. I am a coward; I cannot deny my religion because I’m afraid of Hell. I don’t think I’ll ever get over this fear. This may be for the better if there is any salvation in it.

I don’t want to proselytize to advance Christ; I just like arguing and good arguments. I don’t want to tell anyone that I doubt so much or that I may have lost my faith. My family and friends will condemn it, perhaps, but I know that if I leave Christianity I’ll find only despairing philosophies. There is no joy in the idea that we’re only here to propagate our nature, which is what philosophies most often end with affirming. I must be meant to live for more than my own happiness, the survival of my children, or any other common purposes for life. Perhaps my search for meaning is betrayed by my own biases. I think that life is pointless and this is what I learn through reading philosophy, Ecclesiastes, etc. My current knowledge and perhaps prejudices bar any learning of new prejudices or knowledge.

I would commit suicide if I knew that there was no afterlife. I’m troubled because I know that the common goals in life (the ones pursued by those around me) are dead to me. I don’t aspire to be different and therefore have a different purpose in life; I just think the common goals are futile. I don’t want to raise children (even though I love them) because this goal in life is just an excuse to keep living. If others depend upon me, I will continue living for their sake. I need to live for my own sake, but I can’t find a good reason for doing so. Living for others side-steps the issue and in the end does not give meaning for my life, but what other goals are there? Those without families (and sometimes those with them) live for the advancement of their reputation, wealth, etc. What worth is this in the end? Hardly anyone remembers those who fulfill this goal. Historical figures had great reputations, but what of the other persons who were their contemporaries? They are forgotten, even if they outshined those remembered. What value does wealth have? I cannot take it with me and it can reliably destroy a family (the current object of the greatest part of my love).

Another common, even ancient purpose of life is happiness. Aristotle said that “Happiness is the meaning and purpose of life, the whole aim and end of human existence”. I pursued Happiness for about a year and became more depressed in that year than I’d ever been before. I found that my happiness depended upon my business or activity. I would soon kill myself out of despair if I had a life of leisure. In the end I found that a conscious pursuit of Happiness yields depression and unhappiness. If I make Happiness the conscious goal of my life I will be the most depressed person in existence, so I cannot.

There is nothing to live for and there is only one reason not to die. Fear of Hell, or eternal unhappiness, is the only thing keeping some people alive. I must admit it has been my sole propellant in continued living at times. This is rational fear, but irrational purpose. Purpose to life would be a negative purpose in such a state, as there is no reason to live, only a reason not to stop living. Living is the lesser of two evils. This is a sad state of affairs.

My journey through cynicism has killed my purpose. I want to live on as much as is required for comfort and not trouble myself for anything in addition to this. I would gather together all my despairing writings and write a book, but I don’t want to infect others with the source of my unhappiness. Ignorance truly is bliss, and bliss is desirable. On the same logic I’ve neglected to pursue certain romantic relationships because I could see that the person was already happily involved. It would not be love of the other to supplant myself for the other interest, it would be an act of my selfishness. If I were to get joy out of spreading my philosophic despair or through gaining love at the sake of another’s happiness it would only be a perverse joy.

I hate what I see in many others. It is rare that I meet a person who knows that “the unexamined life is not worth living” and rarer still that I meet one that actively examines their life. People pursue whatever strikes their fancy, whether it is a fun activity, love, power, popularity, etc. They don’t realize that they are led by their nature, which has no purpose other than self-propagation. Among college students this is especially true.

Another object of my contempt is the lack of thinking displayed by even the most intelligent people. Almost everyone I’ve met fails to consciously and rationally justify the authority they’re ruled by. People go to elections and vote in or out another tyrant, they don’t question the foundation of the office’s authority. Most people are led by the suave looking-smooth talking person of the day, and after a few years of jolted change in the direction of leadership most are too confused to reason. This is where the closed-mindedness of many comes from. People don’t know why they have their beliefs and know much less about how to justify them rationally. We have slogans; not arguments, debate; not apologetics.

I can’t live my life for inconsequential or impermanent things. I won’t chase health and wealth, greatness or power, busywork or idleness. But the pursuit of these things seems to sum up to the entirety of our purpose. What are we pursuing? A gilded grave? Some honorable mention in a history book? A place in the fading memories of our descendants? An unsure heavenly eternity?

Every day I give into my nature in obvious ways. I love to talk to girls. I don’t know if it is the basic sexual nature or not, I wouldn’t know. I really enjoy their company though. “Women, Pretty Women…”, bleh. I realize that this seems hardly like philosophical thought, but it betrays my human nature’s desire for self-propagation. Everywhere I turn I see myself guided by human nature, and I detest this tyranny. There has to be something more to me than my nature, but only in a small portion of my thoughts am I free of it. The “thoughts that seem to rule my mind” keep me from finding “this love that we’re supposed to find”. My mind at times is too crowded with contempt for my human nature to allow me any joys. Perhaps this is so because my joy comes from fulfilling my human nature’s purpose for me.

I’m so confused in every way. I don’t know what I want to be, what to live for, what to do. I have peace of mind only when I’m not thinking of my future or purpose. I’m peaceful and unstressed at these moments because I can’t bring myself to worry about the affairs of the present. What I care about I can get stressed about, and I don’t care about much. What do I care about? My family probably takes priority right now. I thoroughly enjoy them, more than I enjoy most other things. Again, the human nature leads and rules, but I cannot explain why the nature’s desire for self-propagation takes such joy in the life of those not involved to my propagation. Is there any deeper joy than that which the nature accomplishes?

The Christian purpose of life is best described in a certain catechism: to bring glory to God and enjoy him forever. This sounds solid, except that it still side-steps the question of individual purpose. Like in the POL “childbearing” we are still told that the first purpose in our life is to do something for another. Plus, this POL is derived from faulty logic. God is whole and satisfied in himself, he needs no magnification and, indeed, cannot be magnified. Enjoying him forever sounds like a worthwhile goal, as Heaven is best defined as the presence of God. If you can enjoy his presence, you have a happy eternity. If not, you have an unenjoyable eternity; Hell. So enjoying God’s presence for eternity could make a good POL. There is a fault, however, in the concept of Eternity. God exists outside of time so Eternity is not a dimensioned state in that respect. We’d only need to enjoy God for the split second of Eternity. We will not exist forever, we will just exist. We’ll have no notion of past or future, all will be present. This is the truest death, I think, because in it a constant state is found. No change can happen; nothing can happen. If you can be satisfied with your circumstances in this state you have reached ultimate happiness.

Another thought: Why do philosophers always write about government? It is as if every man wanted to rule, to have things done his way. Philosophy books have another common subject: the rearing of children. Every man wants the lives of the next generations to be better, but why? The reason for this goes back to the human nature’s desire for self and species propagation. Everyone is led by their human nature to make the next generation better.

We run around our entire life, trying to be happy in a variety of ways, but where does this get us? We’re not happier as geriatrics waiting to die than as ambitious youths.

I feel an obligation to succeed. This may be an offspring of family pressure or pride, or perhaps that old foe and worker of woe the human nature.

3-30-08

I talked to Granddaddy when he and Grandma were down for Easter. He says that the purpose of human life, according to Christianity, is to be truly human, as God wants us to be and as we were in Eden.

An interesting thought: What was the purpose of life before the fall? Not reproduction, Adam and Eve couldn’t die and did not need their nature to be continued after their death, as it wouldn’t happen. Their influence couldn’t be spread further; they were in control of the Earth.