I am the World's Worst Salesman

This is an old vehicle description I wrote when selling my old Saab on Ebay. By the way, it ended up in the junkyard. Some find it humorous, so I figured I'd put it up.

This car starts and runs. However, the state inspection runs out in February and I do not want to fix all that I would have to in order to get a new sticker. This car would be a good parts car or a good car if one was willing to invest in it. I have a new car, bought on ebay of course, and I don't want to keep this one. So, I will warn of all the difficulties it has and express that there is no warranty, car comes as is.

This beautiful Saab, as I have said before, starts and runs just fine. It even gets good gas mileage (I think it is around 25 over all). But, it has a few problems that will ensure that it won't pass inspection next month. These are:

• Power windows have no more power but are still windows. They don't open and are permanently closed unless a few parts and motors are put back together. I have all the parts to do so, but some of them (like the driver's side motor and switch) do not work. Parts will come with the car or go to the junkyard (which is the fate for this operational car if this auction is unsuccessful.) 
• Windshield wipers are half-dead. I say only halfway because only one is dead. I could also say that the glass is half-full and that the wipers are half-operational. The driver's side wiper is a paperweight for supermarket flyers, the other works just fine. In the deep recesses of the beast there is a wire that frayed. If this little wire is replaced it will all work. 
• Muffler is problematic. I have worked on it and had it worked on many times, and have never replaced it (although someone else in its history may have). The muffler is on its way out, but works nonetheless. It is currently welded in a few parts and works; it does not hang down (although that could change at any moment). 
• Hatchback/trunk door does not open from the outside. Some sort of internal mechanical problem exists. However, the door can be opened by pushing a screwdriver or similar object into the mechanism and forcing the hook off of the bar. I would use more descriptive language if I were an engineer, but as it is all I can do is offer to send pictures to anyone interested. 
• Push-button starter. The original ignition does not work, but after a bit of rewiring it now has a two-part starting mechanism (Both parts are inside the cabin, close to where the ignition was). My first concern with push-buttons is the theft concern, but no one has stolen it so far (after about two years). What is probably the fanciest thing about this car is the piece of walnut burl that decorates the button. Of all the parts that I will take out before it is crunched that is the first. However, if this car is sold the buyer can have it. 
• Note: I do have a key, not that it would do you any good. 
• Back Brakes need to be changed. I have new ones, but have not put them in due to caliper circumstances beyond my control. 
• Right-side door handle(inside one) broken. Door still works, opens and shuts, but handle is broken. 
• Tires. All they have going for them is their inflation, and even that isn't even right now. No leaks, but they are going to need replacing sometime soon. 
• Manual transmission. It would miraculously shift through all five gears smoothly if such miracles occurred, but as it is they do not. All gears work, but third and occasionally fifth have problems. Third and fifth can be smoothly shifted into by myself, but others have had no end of difficulty. I like to drive this car; it does have some power left in it. It can accelerate fast, and as far as I know has a top speed of 85 mph (may go faster, but I would not try to, the tires being what they are). This car drives like a glorified go-kart. 
• Condition. The seats are made of tan cloth. There is wear and tear. Mostly wear however; there are not too many tears. The outside has green paint that is dinged and dirty in some spots, I have never washed this car. There is some rust, although not half as much rust as the muffler has. On the whole, this car is not unsightly nor in excellent condition. It has struck a balance just shy of inspectable. 

Like a good salesman I cannot remember any other problems right now. I think I have explained it all though. Email me with questions or requests for pictures.

I am starting this auction at $100 because that is how much the junkyard will give me for it. If I can make $110 all this will have been worth it. If you want a good parts car for your beloved Saab, or a good car to drive until the end of February (plus however long the "Rejected" sticker lasts), or just feel charitable and want to help out a needy college student, please bid.